


Not Gonna Die

by ScottishAngel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Character Death, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Hospital Sex, Hospitals, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Midwife Dean, Military Backstory, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Sad Sam Winchester, Sam has a kid, Slow Build, Surgeon Castiel (Supernatural), reference to violence, there will be smut, with one drunken night
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:54:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27477616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScottishAngel/pseuds/ScottishAngel
Summary: Castiel is a Congenital Cardiovascular surgeon. Or was. He’s not sure what he is any more. A patient died on his table last week and Cas hasn’t picked up a scalpel since. His week of self-pity is up though. He’s got to return to work and when he does the new staff member makes his job incredibly difficult and an accident completely changes his world.ORThe one where Cas's life is really messed up and it may just take a broken midwife, a crazy brother, a baby, and a hospital full of misfits to fix him.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Charlie Bradbury/Jo Harvelle, Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14





	1. A Beginning of Sorts

Castiel couldn’t tell how many times he had played Clair de Lune, but it was more than the number of whiskey tumblers he had drained in the last two hours of playing. He couldn’t seem to find the end; cadence would lead to cadence and he’d find himself resolving back to the beginning of the piece each time. Each pass through the melody something was different, Castiel’s fingers hesitated on a note, or he dampered a run’s end to cause the chord to linger in his ears. No, Castiel did not like endings. In his small apartment the baby grand echoed with grace. The rain on the glass wall of his apartment created a soft backdrop for the otherwise barren spanse of the room. 

A pause in the music filled the air as Castiel reached for the fifth to refill his tumbler, only to find it, to his surprise, empty. What time was it? 11? 12? He couldn't tell any more. He set the bottle on the floor and looked up, running his hands down his face when he saw it. The only picture in the whole house sat on the small table in the corner. The soft hazel eyes smiled at him, and Castiel started another melody as tears swelled in his. This time the melancholy was more than a subtext to the music. He let his fingers linger on each note, the vibrations filling him as Gymnopedie No. 1 filled the room. He would’ve continued like this for hours just as he did the last night, and the night before last, and the one before that, but the vibrating of his phone across the room put an end to his thoughts. 

GABE CALLING

With a sigh, Castiel silenced the phone. He didn’t need yet another worried sibling bothering him during his self-loathing sabbatical. Not that it mattered. Most of them didn’t care what he was doing, as long as he wasn’t tarnishing the family’s name. Novak. He cursed his father’s last name for the weight it carried. So many knew the Novak technology empire that when they found out Castiel was a part of the family there was a look people would give him which accompanied the customary “why didn’t you follow your dad’s footsteps”. Castiel hated that question. At first he tried explaining that humans are just so interesting, and he felt it was his mission to protect and save them. After he changed his last name people asked why he didn’t capitalise on the familial fortune; he grew tired of explaining that he had all he needed and then some. After he moved away from Boston they would ask what he was running from. Now he had no answer. The past? The future? His family? He didn’t know, but there was something about the beauty of Colorado that just drew him in. There is a real connection to the Earth here. Castiel knew it was where he needed to be the first time he flew out to interview for Boulder City General; if he hadn’t been welcomed to their surgical team, well, he would have flown out to this very house no matter what and become a hermit. 

GABE CALLING

Again his brother tried and failed to reach Castiel. The ringtone fell on deaf ears as Castiel was asleep on his sofa, completely dead to the world. 

Most of Castiel’s dreams held little power over him. There was the odd dream of his mother which gifted him with comfort and peace. The dreams of wings that left him feeling assured and powerful. Then there were the dreams of forests, forests filled with green which left him waking with the constant uneasy edge of something invisible being out of place. These were the only dreams he cared for; the rest of them he chalked them up to subconscious ramblings of an overworked surgeon. These were the dreams of before. Now mostly he dreamed of red and the whine of equipment. 

Blue eyes snapped open. Another of those dreams. With a groan, Castiel rolled to his side. 4:12 flashed too brightly into his eyes. He blinked and refocused. May 12. Castiel decided the best thing he could do would be to roll himself out of bed and clean up. He returned to work today and the scruff growing down his face and neck simply wouldn’t do. “What have I become?” Steam filled the room and doubt filled his head. “She was just a child.” “You did everything you could” “There had to be something you missed.” Thoughts spiralled through his head as he showered. 

Two weeks ago Castiel met a new patient. A girl of only 12 named Claire. One week ago she went into the OR for a routine valve transplant. One week ago Claire died as Castiel stood over her with his decades, it seemed like centuries actually, of knowledge failing him. The operation was supposed to be straightforward, Castiel had accomplished successful surgeries in far worse circumstances, but when she flatlined he was completely at a loss. Nothing in his past hurt worse than the look on her mother’s face as he walked solemnly into the waiting room. Castiel walked out of the hospital that day fully intending on never walking back in. A stranger was the one who convinced him to take a sabbatical rather than retire a whole career early. 

GABE CALLING

“Gabe.”

“Hello to you too Castiel.” The silence between the two stretched through the room. “You know what day it is today, right Cassy?” 

“Yes. The days don’t change each week Gabriel. I know when Monday is.”

“And we know what happens today. Right?”

“You don’t need to talk to me like I'm a child. I'm trying not to think about it.”

“You’re going to do amazing!”

“Will you bring me lunch?”

“Of course. The usual right?” Cas smiles and hums in response. “Thought so. Don’t stress too much Cassie, I’ll be right down stairs if you need anything.”

“You can do so much better than janitor Gabriel if you ju-”

“Don’t start with me. I’ll work on my life as soon as I can stop worrying about yours little brother. Now get dressed, give Chevy a kiss for me and get your perky ass to the hospital before I have to drag it there myself.” 

Gabe hung up before Cas could even retort by inquiring how his older brother knew the shape and lift of his rear, but he did leave a smile on the surgeon's face. As if on cue, knowing her being was mentioned, a meow cut through the empty apartment and the ashen coloured creature wrapped herself around Cas’s legs, her otherworldly eyes staring up at her human with mild disdain. Chevy was a rescue, Castiel took her in after she was dropped off at the clinic Gabe was working at at the time. They all assumed she was blind, her eyes wouldn’t open for weeks, and that she had been hit by a car. The gruff older man who dropped her off had said he would come back for her if she improved, a gift for a family member he said, but then he never came. So Chevy became Castiel’s. After weeks of nursing her wounds and staying up all night to ensure her health, she finally opened her eyes and looked at her new human with mild affection. Upon seeing her eyes Castiel knew she was meant for him, one stark, pure blue eye, and one warm, deep green eye had blinked at him and she decided that he’d do. 

“I see you little lady. Let’s get you some food before dad goes to work.” While Castiel was never fond of people in general, he had a soft spot for animals and especially for Chevy. She always was so intune with him, and he wanted the best for her. After her water was freshened and a delicate mix of chicken and cat food mix was placed in her dish up on the counter in the bathroom, Castiel continued to ready himself for work. He showered and shaved quickly, trying not to glance at the scars on his back or on his wrists before dressing in freshly pressed trousers and a white button-up.

“You get a kiss from Uncle Gabe this morning.” He scratches the cat’s chin before looking in the mirror one last time, his face solemn and firm. “You can do this.”

\-------

The hospital was as busy as ever, it was like Castiel had never left, that is until Chief of Surgery Zachariah Adler made himself known. The snivelling man was everything that Castiel considered himself not to be: slimy, greedy, an overall pushover if it meant keeping his image and status, and worst of all he had very little regard for others or the lives that fell into his care--just as long as his numbers look good at the end of the quarter. 

“Good to see you back, Dr Allen. I trust your week was...productive?” The director’s tone signalled to Castiel that he had to tread very carefully within the brief conversation.

“Yes Director, very productive. I spent much time focusing on updating my reading on surgical advancements made in the treatment of Abdominal Aortic Aneurysms. It proved quite provoking and has led me to belie…” 

“Yes, yes. Very good. I trust we won’t have any more issues then?”

“No sir.”

“Very good.” The director turned on his heel and left as swiftly as he came, and with not so much a nod in Castiel’s direction. 

“Good morning to you too,” Cas grumbled as he made his way to his office. Not much had changed, but there was a small layer of dust coating most surfaces he would have to wipe off on his lunch today. The tiny office was perfect for the surgeon’s needs. The north and east walls were adorned with meticulously organised and cared for bookshelves. The south wall held a bulletin board next to the door, and the west wall was nothing but glass. That overlooked Boulder City and the mountain range beyond. His desk was always kept neat, the only clutter taking the form of an organiser for his active case files and his in/out box, which had far more in it than he would’ve liked at this point, but that is the life of a surgeon. 

Just as he’d settled in there was a tap on the door.

“Come in.” Cas absentmindedly called out as he remained buried in a case file that required some attention. 

“Dr Allen?”

“Mhhh.”

“Doctor Bradbury needs you for a consultation.” The voice was firm but cautious.

“Is it urgent or shall I schedule her in?” Castiel still had yet to look up from his case file, consultations were often needed when surgery or procedure could potentially have adverse effects on a patient beyond the single issue.

“She already has requested you for a 10 am. If that’s amenable of course.”

“Mhhhm. That will do, please tell her I will be in my office Dr….” Blue eyes meet deep green.

“Nurse. Uh, Winchester.” 

“Yes, thank you Winchester. Have you worked for Dr Bradbury long?” The tanned face was not among the carefully catalogued members of staff within Castiel’s brain. 

“First day. I will let her know you’re available. Thank you, Dr Allen.” As quickly as he came he was gone and Cas was left staring blankly at the empty doorway, wondering why those eyes captivated him so. There was a faint smell of leather lingering throughout the room that continued to mildly distract him for the remainder of his boring morning of answering emails and setting up appointments for referred clients. Just before he had his meeting with Dr Bradbury, he was tempted to look up the new nurse in the directory but stopped himself out of habit. New people often intrigued him, and he knew he could come on quite strong to the ‘uninitiated’ as Gabe called it. Perhaps he would be able to run into him at some point, it would seem those green eyes captivated Cas in a way he was unfamiliar with.

Another knock on the door. This one he was expecting, so he rose and greeted his friend and colleague warmly. 

“Cas!” Once the door was shut OBGYN and friend Charlie Bradbury has her arms wrapped snuggly around Cas’s shoulders, he could feel the grin through his lab coat.

“Hello Charlie, it’s good to see you.”

“You too! How are you doing? You can't just ignore me like this; I didn’t know where you were for a whole week! You even missed theme night at the Roadhouse!” The bubbling redhead would go on forever if he let her.

“Charlie.” She quiets. “I’m okay, and yes I will be going to the Roadhouse tonight, and yes I know it’s cowboy night” --- “and girl” --- “Cowperson night. And I wasn't ignoring you, I was taking a brief leave of absence to deal with personal matters. If you wish, we can arrange lunch this week and I can fill you in.” She eagerly nods. “What did you need to see me for?”

“There's the Dr Castiel Novak I know.” The resulting glare from the blue eyes makes her shiver. “Sorry, Castiel. It's a habit. I’ve known you too long.”

“I know, please just be careful. I do not wish for certain members of faculty to know my upbringing or history. I've been passing as a human for this long; I’d like to keep it that way.”

“Of course,” She nods sympathetically. While most people were open and accepting to the supernatural since the fall of heaven and closing of hell, many people were still quite superstitious and prejudiced against any nonhumans. “Well, to business. I've got a case that's really troubling me. It’s quite delicate, as the case is slightly personal to one of my staff members. I have a patient. Jessica Moore. She just came in for her routine prenatal and I discovered a heart murmur. I think we might have a tricuspid atresia to deal with. To make matters worse Ms Moore is having a difficult pregnancy, to say the least. Her attachment is weak and she’s beginning to show signs of preeclampsia.” 

“That is quite a combination.”

“Yes, it seems that childbearing does not become her. She's the girlfriend of the brother of one of my nurses. I was hoping I could get you in for her next scan, she's due to have another ultrasound at 26 weeks. I’m worried we are going to end up having to either induce her or order a cesarean to maintain both of their healths.” Charlie’s face contorted with sadness at that. Castiel always admired the care she had for her patients; he was never quite able to maintain the level of intimacy with others that she could.

“When would this be?” He opened his diary.

“Two weeks, Monday.”

“Yes I can be there. Have someone drop by the details later in the week so I can ensure I am up to date on the case.”

“I’ll have Dean drop them off to you tomorrow them.” 

“Dean... that’s not a name you’ve used before.”

Charlie smiled at Cas cheekily. “Nothing gets by you Cas. Dean is a new midwife in my department. Came to me straight from the military believe it or not. He’s well overqualified for working with me, but I’m not complaining that I have the most capable, attractive, nerdiest midwife in the west at my fingertips.” She flashed a grin.

“How do those last two make him an effective nurse?” 

“They don’t but I wanted to see your reaction. You met him this morning right?”

“Ah, so that was the mystery nurse.”

“Yes. Now you can’t go scaring him away. He's already been invited to join the Roadhouse gang. Garth asked him this morning. The two are becoming rather fast friends I’d like to think. I’ll see you tonight?”

“Yes Charlie, I’ll be there with spurs on.”

“Kinky…” She winks as she leaves the room, and leaves Castiel to his thoughts.


	2. Docie Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's go Boot Scootin! Cas and Dean finally get to chat and Cas has fun for the first time in a while.

“You’re late.”

  
“Gabriel.” Castiel allows himself a brief smile as his brother plops a bag in front of him.

  
“One Turkey Bacon Club, on rye, hold the bacon, and a surprise.” Despite being the shortest member of their family Gabriel for some reason always had more energy than almost anyone he knows. It’s the eyebrow wiggle that gets him every time. He looks like some sort of mythical trickster with the gold eyes, shaggy hair, and dancing brows. Castiel chuckles and opens the bag.

  
“Gabe…” His brother had thought of everything, an espresso drink, a sandwich and apple, and the best of all--a piece of apple pie. “Thank you.”

  
“Anything for you little bro. I’ve just been tormenting the residents today so I figured I could slip out and get you your favourite. It’s from that new place on the edge of the university campus. The Family Business or something like that. I’m thinking about seeing if they would be interested in selling my candy…”

  
“Gabe maybe you shouldn’t lead with candy, I’ve heard that the phrase is often used to kidnap children. It might startle the owner.” His brother’s frown is amusing as he ponders his option of offering a stranger his candy and then grins. Castiel knows he doesn’t want to know the decision his brother settled on. It looks like an evil one. “Why are you torturing residents?”

  
“Bored,” he shrugs, “There’s one who is convinced I am a figment of his imagination. It’s hilarious. Yesterday I spent the afternoon moving his bike to random locations. He had NO idea.” His laugh was so pure, joyful. Castiel often envied his brother for his youthfulness and free spirit. Since their separation from their family, all they had was each other; Castiel grew up fast from that moment, focusing on his career more than anything else--which resulted in the awkward and sheltered surgeon. Gabe on the other hand, he took the freedom to heart. His failed business ventures and string of exes and one-night stands left him looking at life as an endless game, he could do anything, and be anything. He had the time and felt that a purpose would find him. Someday.

  
Castiel lets out a forceful huff and picks at his food. “I’m going to the Roadhouse tonight. Charlie invited me.”

  
“Good! You need to get out of that silly apartment. I swear Cassie, I’m gonna just lock you out and redecorate it one of these days. I hate it.”

  
“I know. I keep meaning to get around to it. It’s become too still and quiet. Even Chev has lost interest in it, now she just sleeps on the piano instead of tearing apart everything.”

  
“That settles it then. We are demolishing the place. You owe it to yourself. Thanksgiving weekend. I’ll bring the sledgehammers.” His eyes flash with the characteristic golden glint that makes Cas’s skin tingle.

“Can I talk to a contractor first?”

  
“Nope.” There’s that shit eating grin. “You come stay with me and we, how do you say it? We wing it.” Even Cas can smile at that joke. He starts to loosen up knowing that his brother is still always there for him, even now when he's completely self-sufficient.

  
“Fine. Chevy will love having Fen as a roommate again. I think she misses him. I need to get a dog at some point. Oh. So I have my first procedure tomorrow. Nothing major, just a simple ultrasound to determine if I’ll need to place a shunt. I’m not sure I’m ready.” He ducks his head. Cas hates the shame he feels for his lack of confidence. He went from being one of the best in his field to useless overnight.

  
“Hey… At least it’s something simple Cassie. You still know everything you need to. Your hands will remember. Everyone loses someone, and now you can help someone else. You have to be ready.”

  
The words that drove him out, finally. You have to be ready. Only Gabe would give him that kick in the ass.

“Hmrph.”

  
“You will be. Now eat--before I find a tube for you.” His response is a pointed bite of the sandwich.

Their lunch ends the same way Castiel’s day ends, uneventfully, with little more than a nod outwardly, but inwardly screaming. It’s 6:30 by the time he scans out of the staff room; less than 2 hours for Cas to return home, shower, and change before he meets Charlie and the mysterious green-eyed nurse at the Roadhouse. He hopes the whole gang will be there to distract him from his thoughts. Mostly Meg, she always is good at getting him into some situation that prevents him from thinking about his life. Last time she made him match her shot for shot, which normally he could do easily, but the combinations she came up with had him in the toilet for about an hour just due to the texture. Hopefully, she won’t be that excitable tonight perhaps.

The bus ride home always gave Cas a chance to observe humans in a way where he could study how they behaved when they thought no one was looking. His current pupal was a young man sitting across the aisle and about halfway up the bus. His face was contorted with some emotion, Cas couldn’t tell what it was...confusion? Anger? Grief? He was unsure. The man was aggressively scrolling through his phone, pausing to hastily type every few minutes. It was his eyes that Castiel found himself focused on, they were almost as green as the mysterious nurse’s eyes he met earlier today--perhaps murkier. There was something in his eyes that almost made Castiel believe he was looking into his soul; Castiel often found that the eyes reflected the soul of a person, their colour, shape, and ability to emote beyond words spoke more to him than any lips could. Was this man on the run too? He had creases at the corners, were they from laughter or anger? Why was he so concerned, what captivated him so deeply? Try as he might, Cas never could understand the human ability to fixate, on anything really. He didn't understand the movement of focus and emotion; Gabe did, Gabe passed as human so easily it was a wonder they were even related sometimes. Castiel just couldn’t, he pondered this his whole shower and meal.

“I don’t get it Chev. I don’t get the fixation on routine, on media, on others. It’s so foreign. Don’t humans know they are free to do whatever they want at any time?” The purr he got in response indicated Chevy cared little for the affairs of man, just for her chicken treats and blankets.  
“I wish I could be as simple as you girl.” He scratched her chin before forcing himself to leave for the Roadhouse. He needed to get out.

\---

The Roadhouse was a stand-up establishment run by a charming woman named Ellen. It was just outside the city limits, and not far from Castiel’s home. When Castiel first moved to Colorado he would often frequent it as an escape from the monotony of school and home. Over time it became his go to-and often only- hangout. Ellen was very open, and he never felt pressured around her. It was through his nights sat alone at the bar, chatting with Ellen or her daughter Jo, he made his first friend. Charlie. She had come in one night, soaked in rain and mascara running down her cheeks. Her fiance, a woman named Gilda, had just left her to travel the world, and Charlie’s occupation often did not allow for much time off. She sat right next to him at the bar, the only person to ever do so, and told him to buy her a drink. They spent the next three days in constant contact, Cas mostly for concern of her safety and Charlie because she liked the constancy of the shy, blue-eyed angel.  
Not long after they became inseparable and, much to their joy and surprise, ended up working at the same hospital. They added Garth to the group not long after, and soon they became almost a safe haven for any lonely or lost soul that wandered into town. Members have can and left, but the core group remained the same: Castiel, Charlie, Jo, Garth, Meg, and Ash. The group was the most mix matched, patched together, hodgepodge of beings and their antics were unparalleled.

Castiel opened the door to the bar and was met with the familiar smell of peanuts, beer, and musk. Every single person had on a cowboy hat and boots.

“Is that a smile on Castiel’s face?” Ash hopped off the counter of the bar to rush over for an awkward hug. “I don’t think I’ve seen that in about, oh, a million years!” He slapped Cas on the back and dragged him over to where a larger than normal group of people were gathered.

  
“LOOK AT THOSE CHAPS BOYS.” Charlie hooted and hollered from her comfortable position of strewn across an old pool table. She winked at him with a tip of her 10-gallon hat.

Cas turned real slow so everyone could get a good look at his new and improved cowperson getup. Worn blue jeans that hugged all the right places, a simple but classic western belt, tan leather chaps over his favourite boots, spurs attached of course. He finished the ensemble off a simple white t-shirt that clung satisfyingly to his surprisingly muscled torso--yes he liked to blow off steam by hitting things-- and a tan felt cowboy hat. He let his hair be slightly more natural, the curl showing just a bit over his eyes. He finished his spin to a wolf whistle from Garth.

“You look like you could ride anyone here into the sunset Clarence. It’s delicious…” Meg purred and ran her hand across his shoulders. He smiled and felt all of the tension leave his body.

“You know I won’t be riding anyone darling. Unless they ask nicely.” Cas’s catty tone and suggestive statement finally pulled green eyes to focus on him. He smiles gently at the nurse who looked mildly miserable sipping a whiskey next to Garth. “Now behave my darling or I’ll tell Ruby where you are.”  
Meg mock gasps in shock.

  
“Oh no! You can’t!” She grins wickedly. “She’s in the bathroom, asshole.”

  
Charlie, seeing the nurse’s confusion at the interaction whispers to him, “Don’t worry, they are always like that. Castiel and Meg used each other to figure out they weren’t straight and have since been thicker than thieves.” He smiled gratefully. “Guys! Rally round the redhead!” The group, including Ruby who shot Cas a middle finger as she rejoined the group, migrated to the pool table to listen to their queen. “Dean Winchester, raise your hand.” The burly man almost looks frightened as he raises his hand weakly. “You. You are not allowed to buy any drinks tonight! As your welcome to the Lonely Ones, I challenge my subjects to each buy you a drink and use it as an opportunity to suck out your weird.” His eyes widen and his mouth falls agape at the suggestion.

  
“Not that type of suck, honey,” she whispers. “Now! What do we say to the newcomer?”

  
“WELCOME!” The group’s bellow echoes through the bar. Ellen shoots them a glare but does nothing, knowing full well the antics of the group.

  
“What do we say to everyone else?”

  
“FUCK OFF!”

  
“Good now live your cowperson dreams sweethearts!” Happy with her decree, the redhead swings herself into a seated position and downs the remainder of her first glass of liquid courage.

The group begins to mingle: Ash happily asking Garth about his wife’s pregnancy; Charlie receding to the bar to flirt with Jo; and Meg has already disappeared somewhere with Ruby--Cas knows they will reappear looking much more relaxed in about an hour. He’s left awkwardly standing by the pool table before deciding he would buy the nurse--Dean--a drink. He’s the only other on his own at the moment, and Cas can’t help but wonder if that is on purpose.

“Buy you a drink, Cowboy?” He uses his costume as confidence, sliding onto a stool next to the man who gratefully smiles and nods in affirmation. “I’m Castiel. We met this morning.”

  
“I remember.”

  
“What are you having?”

  
“Beer, thanks.”

  
Cas nods and flags down Ellen. She walks over with two beers already in hand, tops off and ice cold, and sets them on paper Roadhouse coasters in front of the men. “Will that be all boys?”

  
“Are you hungry Dean? I ate at home, but Ellen here has the best burgers in town.” Dean seems to perk up at that, eyeing Cas as he asks for a bacon cheeseburger and pulling out his wallet. “Dean.” He stops.

  
“Let me get this one, you just started a new job, in a new area and, I’m assuming since you’re here with us, with no major acquaintances yet. Call this your welcome to the neighbourhood.”

  
Dean swallows and Castiel finds his eyes drawn to the stubble on his strong, chiselled jaw. He forces himself to look away before Dean notices. “Thanks Dr Allen.”

  
“You can call me Castiel outside of work Dean. I am not just a surgeon.” He regrets saying anything when he sees the flush of Dean’s cheeks, making the already tan skin warmer and more inviting. He hopes he didn’t offend him.

  
“Okay then, Castiel...Cas.” Dean stumbled on the unfamiliar name before settling on the shortened version. “Thank you.”

  
“You’re welcome Dean,” the man's name was fascinating on Cas’s tongue. He couldn’t help saying it as often as he could. “When did you move here?”

  
“Last week. Needed a change and got a job here.”

  
“This place does attract many people looking for something. I ran here just over four years ago and found the closest thing I could call home.” He smiles at his friends, happily milling about chatting and dancing to some random country song about beer, or bars, or boobs, or something of that nature.

  
“It’s nice.” Dean looked towards his hands, fiddling with the paper label on his beer. “Nice people.”

  
“Yes.” Castiel also looked away not knowing how to continue the conversation. He liked Dean’s voice and search desperately to find something to engage him with. He looked out the window near the front of the bar.

  
“Is that your car?” It was the only one he didn’t recognise.

  
“Yeah, that’s Baby.”

  
“I like that she has a name,” Castiel turns back towards Dean with a small smile, “You must care a lot about her.”

  
“Oh yeah, I’ve travelled the country in the back of that car. She’s the only home I have ever known--”

  
“Here ya go, one bacon cheeseburger.” Ellen plops perhaps the most delicious looking burger on the planet in front of Dean, who licks his lips and--finally in Cas’s opinion--smiles. “Anything else for you boys?” She wags her eyebrows at Cas who raises his beer and glances at Dean.

  
“Another, and for you Dean?”

  
He swallows quickly, having already taken a massive bite of the burger as if its the first food he’d had in weeks. “Pfleashe,” he blushes.

  
“Two more, then. Thanks, Ellen.”

  
“Anytime.” She puts another beer at each place before moving on down the bar.

  
“Mmmhhm. This is a good burger. Almost better than mine.” Dean’s love affair with the brioche bun encased patty forces him to miss Cas’s almost affectionate gaze.

  
“You cook Dean?”

  
“Mhmhuh. When I can. You know what it's like. Busy when you work in a hospital.” Cas chuckles and nods, catching Dean’s eyes when he looks up at him.

  
“I try to cook when I can, but mostly my brother brings me lunch and I’m too tired when I get home to eat much more than a Healthy Choice.”

  
“You sound like Sammy, my brother,” he answers the question in Cas’s eyes. “He’s always going on about rabbit food, and lean cuisine. He’s a civil rights lawyer now. That’s why I’m here. He just started a practice in Boulder and I wanted to be there to help if he needs me. Him and his fiance are expecting.” He stopped to lick the mustard from his thumb before continuing to devour the burger, talking about his brother, Sam, in between mouthfuls. “The kid is really smart; he always had the big future in front of him. It’s nice to see him happier. Do you have any family? You mentioned a brother.” Dean swallowed again. He’d have to stop doing that if Cas was going to keep focused at all.

  
“Yes.” He clears his throat, having happily listened to dean talk more than he’s ever heard so far, “My brother Gabe, short for Gabriel, is the only family I have. We moved out here together. When I was accepted into the hospital for Residency and specialisation. He’s normally here at these outings, but currently, he’s moping. His last fling left him before he had the chance to come up with some amazing break up and he’s regretful.” Dean’s eyes light up with curiosity. “You could say Gabe is a special sort. He wants nothing more than to settle down and have a family but has yet to find a suitable unnatural partner. His words.”  
“Does he not go for humans?”

  
“Oh he does, he just can’t be in anything long term with someone who can’t put up with him. He’s a 5ft 8 child on a permanent sugar rush.”

  
“He sounds like a character.”

  
Cas nods in agreement.

“HEY! LOVEBIRDS! LINE DANCE TIME.” Charlie’s voice pulls the two out of the bubble they didn’t even know they had created. Dean’s cheeks flush red and Cas diverts his eyes to the dance floor where all of his friends, including a very satisfied looking Meg and a flushed Ruby, were gathering.

  
“Do you dance Dean?”  
He chuckles and groans slightly as he goes to stand, “Only on days that end in ‘y’, cowboy.”

He wipes his mouth on a napkin before throwing it on his now empty plate, downs the last of his beer, and saunters towards the redheaded menace. As he walks away Cas can’t help raking his eyes down the man’s retreating form. He swallows, are those bow legs? Cas says a silent prayer to not ruin a new friendship as Charlie raises her eyebrows at the direction of his gaze. He glares at her and quickly joins the group before anything can be said. Boot Scootin’ Boogie begins blaring from the band and the bar fills with hoots and hollers as the group of friends gets the dance started.

  
Castiel never was a dance, or naturally grateful. Years of coming to cowboy night had taught him a thing or two so he wasn’t as embarrassed being out with his friends any more. Dean eyes those around him to get the hang of the steps before flawlessly jumping in as the resounding clap echoes from the group. Cas is fascinated as he stumbles through the rather difficult routine--he will never admit exactly how many hours he’s spent in Charlie’s basement to become passable at dancing. Dean’s hips just immediately free themselves from the rest of his body it seems. They gyrate and swing with the rhythm as he slaps his thigh in time with the group. Others were joining in now, the infectious energy from the eight friends filling the place with gaiety and laughter. Cas catches Dean’s eyes. The two share a smile and Cas realises he is totally and completely screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was a fun one! The line dance the group do is the one from the Footloose movie, just in case you want to fantasise on how Dean's hips were moving.  
> I'm LOVING this story and how you enjoy it too! What's gonna happen now that Cas is catching feelings? Will he say something? Will Dean even be open to it? Ah so much still to come!


	3. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after, and Cas wakes up to a surprise.

Cas doesn’t know where he is when he wakes up. The smells are unfamiliar and he is on a couch he doesn’t recognise. Then his head explodes. Well, not literally but he wishes it had--it would hurt less.   
“uuuunnngggghhhhhhh.” He rolls over and falls directly onto a hardwood floor. “Oooffht. Fuck.” 

A chuckle erupts from behind him and he clutches his forehead. “Who?” Cas looks around only to meet the eyes of one Dean Winchester. Tall. Handsome. And holy hell is he topless? Castiel quickly averts his eyes before he gets caught staring, pretending the sun from the window is too bright, which it kind of is but in that moment he didn’t even notice.

“Morning sunshine.” Dean’s voice was low and grating, but Castiel found he didn’t mind the headache it caused as much. “Coffee, water, and Advil's on the table. Breakfast in the kitchen if you want it.” Dean’s voice was all Cas could focus in as he grappled with gravity, trying to right himself. He hadn’t had a hangover in a very, very, very, long time and the feeling reminded him why he didn’t allow himself to imbibe in human inhibitions often. He finally managed to grab the water and pills on the table as Dean retreated to the bedroom. 

The perks of being an angel in hiding meant that, even though he would still take the hangover cures gracefully, Cas simply diverted some grace to take the edge off. He didn’t erase it fully; the act of being human was still important to his life and the last thing he needed was Dean Winchester being suspicious of his origin. Someday Cas hoped he wouldn’t have to hide who he is, but he’d lose his job if anyone found out he was a non-human, he wishes to be free more than anything else on the planet. 

“You good?” Dean’s rumble startled him out of his thoughts, to Cas’s pleasure actually. 

“Yes. I may have allowed myself too much fun for a Monday night it would appear.” Cas exaggerates a groan as he stands and heads into the kitchen. The breakfast Dean had prepared looks rather amazing, though simple, with eggs, bacon, hash browns, and juice waiting in his kitchen. For the first time Cas is able to take in his surroundings. The apartment is small, but not uncomfortable in appearance. The warm colours and exposed wood are rather beautiful, almost as if curated to give the atmosphere a worn-in and comfortable edge. Castiel notices that the combined kitchen and living room are devoid of pictures and mementoes, save a single frame by the TV and an old, wool knit blanket on the sofa Cas had just fallen off of. 

“It’s not much I know,” Dean shuffles into the kitchen, dressed down in jeans and a flannel, chagrin in his voice. “It’s home though.”

“I like it very much; it’s...comfortable.” Castiel winces as he accidentally clinks his plate too loud against the counter. “Thank you for breakfast. You didn't have too…”

“Nonsense, you were out for the count last night dude.”

“Hmmmm.” Cas frowns as he tries to remember the night and comes up completely blank. “I find I have no recollection of last night’s events. I hope I was not misbehaved.”

“You were cool, dude. Lot’s of fun. Um. I gotta work today, but I could fill you in on my lunch if you want?” Dean’s eyes were unsure as he finally looked directly at Castiel for the first time that morning. 

“Fuck…” Cas checked his phone. 7:37. “I also have to be in at 9.” 

“Do you need a ride?” 

“Um, that’s not necessary, I don’t mind walking… Where am I?”

“Boulder Creek Apartments, off of Table Mesa.”

“Ah. I don’t believe I will be able to walk home then… I have spare clothes in my office. Thank you for your offer Dean, but I will be perfectly fine taking the bus.” He smiles gently at Dean, not wanting to intrude on the man any longer.

“We’re going to the same place aren’t we? Besides. You still look really rough...Besides gives me an excuse to show off Baby.” Dead flashed Cas a winning smile, almost blinding the blue-eyed man with its beauty. 

“You have a baby!?” Castiel sputters on his coffee to Dean’s amusement. 

“Baby… She’s my car. I got her from my dad when I turned 21. She’s my biggest pride and joy. Rebuilt her from the ground up!” Dean’s excitement has Cas captivated with how pure and unfiltered it is. Cas finds himself staring at the man, taking in the way the gold in his green eyes brightens when he smiles, the gentle slope of his shoulders as he relaxes against the door frame, and the way the flush creeps up his neck as well as fills his cheeks when he realises Cas’s stare has lingered on him. “Right. C’mon. My shift starts at 9. Shower is down the hall to the left if you want one.” He averts his eyes and busies himself in the fridge. 

“Ah. I am fine. Thank you Dean.” Cas finishes off the plate of food before immediately jumping in to help clean up, quickly shooting Dean a look to prevent the objection he could almost feel being formed. “I insist.”

It doesn’t take the odd couple long to tidy the kitchen and ready themselves for the day. Cas secretly freshens his breath and tames his hair in the bathroom with a thought before neatly arranging the extra layers from last night’s outfit into a bag offered by Dean. He doubted Dr Adler would be thrilled with him arriving in chaps and a cowboy hat. Dean packs his usual lunch while carefully avoiding the man’s eyes--the night before running through his mind. Together the two head outside where Baby is carefully tucked under a parking structure.

“There she is.” Cas feels the corner of his mouth twitch upwards at the pride on Dean’s face and in his voice.

“She’s beautiful. Thank you again Dean.” 

“It’s no problem, Cas. Now get in, we’re going shopping.” Squinting Cas ponders why they are going shopping before work only to hear Dean chuckle. “Man, you really don’t get out much do you?”  
“Pop culture is not my strength.” Internally kicking himself for not listening when Gabe tried telling him about Space Wars...no… Star Fight? He sighs. Cas longs to be able to match the man’s excitement for the world around him, to be able to grasp the emotions that cause those emeralds to sparkle and his face to crinkle. 

“I’ll fix that Cas. Charlie wants to have a Lord of the Rings marathon with the Gyno team; I’m sure she’d let you in.”

“I am technically part of the team, Dean.”

“Yeah, I guess you are.” Dean chuckle warms Cas’s heart as they begin their drive through the heart of the city. “Why’d you become a surgeon Cas?”

The simple question, unbeknownst to Dean, spirals Cas into a panic. He’s never been asked that before and wanted to give an honest answer. Hell, he’s never been asked that before. Period. Dean seems to be a good man, but Cas hardly knows him and definitely doesn’t know how he feels about the supernaturals. He doesn’t want to lie.

“Cas?” Dean’s eyes are wide, concern clouding them.

“Sorry Dean. I was lost in thought. I wanted to help people, simple as that.”

“Ahh.” Dean seems satisfied, for now, with the simple answer. The pair descend into a comfortable silence as they finish their drive--Dean humming along to a melody in his head and Cas peacefully staring out the window. Castiel’s thoughts however were not on the city landscape passing by--they were searching his memory for any indication as to why he suddenly was finding himself in a ‘67 Chevy Impala, with a man he barely knows, driving into work with the comfort of being around a long time friend. He remembered nothing after line dance, Charlie had insisted on shots, it’s just black. 

“You’re far away.” 

“Hmmmm.” Cas glances towards Dean, willing himself to take in the way the morning sun warms the man’s tan skin, “I was trying to remember last night if I’m honest.” 

“Ah.” Back to silence it seems. The pair remain in that contemplative silence until Dean pulls into the staff lot. “You got anything?”

“No,” Cas admits with a shake of his head, “I remember everything fine until the line dancing, then I remember Charlie passing out shots, and then it’s like I was hit by a truck. There’s nothing there.”

“Can I come by on my lunch?” 

“Mhh. Yes.” Cas smiles gently and sees Dean’s shoulders relax. Which, of course, only increases his smile.

“I’ll fill you in then, promise. For now I don’t want to be late on my second day.” 

They both exit the Impala, Cas immediately lost in his thoughts again, and part ways at the elevator, Castiel’s office is up on floor 6, while Dean works on floor 2 and often chooses to use the stairs. There’s barely a parting word between them and Cas realises that he hopes the day will go by quickly, so he can see the midwife with the green eyes again.

\---------------

“Gabe, I need advice.” Not 10 minutes after changing and settling into his office Castiel already had his brother sitting opposite to him, wiggling his eyebrows as Cas regaled him with last night's events. “There’s nothing. What if I said something I shouldn’t have?”

“Wait, waitwaitwait… You’re telling me that you--Castiel, Mr ‘I have no feelings and no fun’-- got so wasted you don’t remember what you did at all last night?” Cas begrudgingly nods, “HA! This has just become the best day ever! Screw torturing interns, I’m invested!”

“Can we please not use my pain for your fun?”

“Nope. It’s all fun now. Tell me about this Dean….” “Winchester.” “Yes… tell me about this human that’s swept you off your rocker.”

“Gabe,” he glares at his brother, “I don’t think that is necessary to the predicament, especially if I ruined it last night...He was relatively quiet this morning.”

Gabriel’s eyes widen with glee, “You saw him this morning?” 

“Yes, I woke up on his couch this morning--FULLY clothed--and he drove me to work.” Castiel’s normally still hands have never been busier, fussing with the pen he was meant to be writing appointment notes with.

“Oh this is truly the best day ever! I have to find Charlie! See you later bro.” 

“Gabe, wait.” But he was already gone, leaving Cas to his notes and an ultrasound appointment at 11.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter for today as school has me busy! I hope you guys like this little adventure, and next time we get the low down of Castiel's wild night! I'll try to have it up Friday or Saturday to help with the post-finale depression! Love you all xxxxx

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys like this fic! I'll be alternating update between this and my other fic, 'Stronger'. Any thoughts and comments and kudos are always appreciated! Love you. xx


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